I cried when I weighed in tonight: in 3 weeks, I have managed to drop 6 pounds.
During those 3 weeks, I:
* received, 2 days before Christmas, a subpoena to testify against my rapist
* stressed about how on Earth I was going to afford to go to the trial
* stressed about how on Earth I was going to pay off the massive bill I incurred to be diagnosed with Lyme Disease, because my crappy health insurance plan sucks
* stressed about being rejected - yet again - for better health insurance coverage because of injuries I sustained during the rape
* stressed about the fact that, unless I find a job before my fellowship ends, I will be unemployed 209 days from today
* mourned the fact that this is the first Christmas I have ever lived without any of my grandparents being alive.
But during those 3 weeks, I also:
* celebrated Christmas and New Year with friends... and didn't deprive myself one bit
* worked out all but 2 days from 12/23/10 until today... and I only took those days off because I was in pain - my neck, which was injured during the attack, is not altogether pleased with my current level of physical activity - and knew I needed to give my body a chance to heal
* was blessed to be offered a place to stay during the trial - a place that is FREE and SAFE
* was blessed to have a fellow survivor - whom I have never met other than through an online survivor's network I joined - offer to host a benefit to help me pay for expenses I will incur during the trial
* was blessed to be offered several opportunities to speak out as an advocate for sexual assault victims' rights as soon as my case goes to trial.
When I stepped on my Wii balance board (which I use to track my weight loss) tonight and saw that I have lost 6 pounds - and watched my avatar's butt shrink a little - I sat down on the floor of my living room and cried. I truly, truly want 2011 to be the year that I finally stop making excuses and start taking back as much of my pre-attack life as I possibly can (which includes getting back into shape). I truly, truly want to be thriving, in every way, and not just surviving. And I truly, truly think I have finally found the strength to do just that.
You are already thriving, Kristen- you needed to survive before you could pick up the pieces and build it all again. You are an inspiration. Hugs!
ReplyDelete@Arundhati: Thanks for all of your support. People like you make dealing with all of this so much easier to handle. I count you as one of the blessings in my life. Love you.
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